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SCIENCE GONE WRONG
SCIENCE GONE WRONG I
I figured since this IS a science based web cartoon, I should post some science factoids. I couldn't find
anything interesting on a whim, but here's something I found via T-Nation (weightlifiting site):
At first glance I thought it was taken by 3 kinds of people:
1. Gay Metrosexuals (sorry for the redundancy)
2. Idiots who have no idea of how disproportioned it is.
3. Sumo wrestlers or people who want to be character models for "Poorly-Rendered N64 Sumo Game"
Synthol is composed of 85% medium-chain fatty acids,
7.5% painkiller, and 7.5 5 benzyl alcohol. It is injected deep into the muscle where it is enveloped by muscle
fibers. This gives the illusion of bulk. Part of the injection is metablolized (roughly 30%) and the majority
(70%) lingers in the muscle where it'll break down over the next few years.
SCINCE GONE WRONG PART II
Brought to my attention through ExtraLife (http//www.myextralife.com)
Remember that Episode of South Park with the world-wide recorder concert? That "brown noise", is actually
a real thing, not just something the writers made up.
The "Brown Note/Noise" is a sound at a very low frequency which makes one's sphincter open up, causing them
to crap themselves. It is rumored to be between the frequencies of 5 and 20Hz, below the audible range for humans (which is
20Hz).
This thoery was tested on the shows Brainiac and Mythbusters. Both experiments disproved
this theory, however, the methods in the experiments were flawed. They were either too high in frequency (in the case
of Brainiac) or not testing the enitre inaudible spectrum (in the case of Mythbusters)
I think it is possible, because I ALWAYS have to go to the bathroom everytime I play the Servanaya: Surface
level in Goldeneye:007. That, and since music can relax oneself, there could be a frequency in which the sphincter
relaxes and lets the poo go.
SCIENCE GONE WRONG III
After you workout, instead of having a protien drink or something to that effect, beat off. A study held
during the 1970's showed that men experienced a rise in Testosterone Levels after masturbation. This is actually good (for
men) since the Testosterone increase libido and protien synthesis. The former has nothing to do with my thesis, but the latter
is essentail to build muscle, since protien is the macronutrient responsible for tissue repair, construction and maintenance.
Be forewarned, however, that your sperm contains protien (to make it swim) and water, so, with everything in life, don't
overdo it.
SCIENCE GONE WRONG IV
Me and Damien play pool every so often. While we don't play on the "arcade style" tables (where you
pay money per game, not per hour like a pool hall), this did pique my interest.
Ever wonder why the cue ball is the only ball that returns? There is no "magic" to it, but rather simple
science. The first method is to use a different size cue ball. It's like an "automatic coin sorting" bank, because the larger
ball rolls over the smaller holes for the regular balls.
The other method is nearly twice as expensive and twice as complicted. Sometimes, the cue ball is magnetic,
and the magnet in the ball trips a sensor that flips a switch that moves a gate. This gate redirects the ball so that the
players can use it again.
SCIENCE GONE WRONG PART IV.S
First off, our three FULL LENGTH EPISODES OF XNC, which is more than Tomorrow's Nobodies and Waterman COMBINED!!!
Next, some links to 110 of the weirdest shit you ever done saw (but not "meaty" enough for a full Science
GOne Wrong...:
Some of my personal favorites from those are Tomacco, which would be nice, since it opens up the possibility
of combining poppyseeds and marijuana (for the ulitmate weed), chicken hypnotizing, and the fact that Jimi Hendrix pretended
to be gay.
SCIENCE GONE WRONG V
Everyone, say it with me: Dub-a-dub-a-dub-a-dub-a-bah-dah-bah BASS!
T-Virus Zomibes? No problem if you have the infinite Incendiary Grenades cheat or are playing Resident
Evil 4.
Those Zombies from Shaun Of The Dead? Britain OWNED them in a week, even though they
tore apart that guy who looked like Harry Potter, which was pretty awesome.
Zombie Mice? We're SCREWED!
Austraillian Scientists have done the Umbrella Inc. thing and have created "zombie mice" or mice which can
regenerate any organ except the brain. The organs can even withstand damage and COMPLETE REMOVAL and still regenrate.
Another thing that follows suit of Shaun Of The Dead is the fact that when fetal liver
cells were injected into ordinary mice, they inherited the regeneration trait. OMG THEY CAN INFECT OTHERS!
TEH ZOMBIE RATS WILL TAKE OVER!
In light of this discovery, I will write what may be the most important thing you will
ever read in any blog, EVER! (like that's hard LOL!)
The two ways to permanently kill zombie rats are:
1. Ignition- Fire destroys all. Or, if you're low on Kerosene and/or you're playing as
Jill and have not obtained the Lighter yet (or don't know the infinite grenade cheat, which would imply that you fail at life),
2. Destroy The Head- They can't regrow the brain! No brain = Dead Zombie mice. If you
can't do it yourself, there is one other alternative:
3. Get A Bald Black Man With Badass Facial Hair and/or Chuck Norris- Mr. T, Samuel L. Jackson,
Ving Rames, take your pick. All come with shotguns and awesomeness (except for Chuck Norris, he roundhouse kicks the into
a time period before they were infected)
DAMN YOU AUSTRAILIAN TERRORISTS! DAMN YOU!!!
</sensationalism and conservative retardation>
THEY ARE HURTING THE MICE!
</liberal retardation>
All kidding aside, researchers at the Wistar Institute are researching the gene to figure out how it works
and why try to find out how to get the humans to inherit the regeneration trait.
This would be beneficial to mankind because if you have cancer or some other bodily affliction, a doctor
can just remove the organ. Whether or not that organ will be healthy still needs to be determined.
When that day comes, here are some things you can do to exploit this gene:
1. Go from bar to bar drinking yourself stupid
2. Go from bar to bar getting into fights
4. Castrate yourself
5. Play Ninja! with your friends (rip each others heart out)
6. Play Mortal Kombal FOR REAL! Then when Jack Thompson comes to say how Rockstar and Take Two
(even though the game is by Midway) stuck their penis in your ear (mental molestation), kill him using any of the methods
I described above (If you get Samuel L. Jackson, he might call J.T. a "honky" before bashing his face in)
What was I talking about? Oh yeah, the Zombie mice.
The Zombie Mice are real and it REALLY makes me want to go into Biomedical Research.
SCIENCE GONE WRONG VI
FEATURING THE HORRIBLE TALE OF ANIMAL MEN!!!
Biomedical science marches onward, as scientists from the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases combined chimpanzee and human anti-bodies and injected the combination into mice. The mice had gained an immunity to small
pox and lost weight. One of the scientists believe that this is a better immunization from smallpox than
the one already available.
Also, in an effort to create more human stem cells to research, Edinburgh University's Ian Wilmut is trying
to create some sort of human/bunny hybrid. The stem cells will be used to conduct experiments [and crap] with disease
for which there (currently) is no cure.
Between this and zombie mice, this is DEFINTELY an excellent carrer opportunity.
I want to inject homeless guys with all these weird embroys, buy a huge-ass mansion and play "Resident Evil"
FOR REAL. But not before I shout WHAT HAVE I DONE? and let them wreak havoc on the city. Then, I shoot them in the face with
a shotgun. Or watch Samuel L. Jackson do it, I don't care.
SCIENCE GONE WRONG VII
Flip a coin. If it lands on heads, then you do not have control of your concious mind. Actually Tails, because
"Tails never fails!". Except in Sonic Adventure and every game thereafter, fuck Tails. If you like Tails,or believe that dumb
statement then you DESERVE mind control parasites.
A bacteria known as Toxoplasma gondii are responsible for infecting approximatly 3 billion humans.
The way in which the bacteria works is by causing cysts that alter the behavior of the hosts. Such events could cause
schitzophrenia and other self destructive behaviors in humans, as well as rats.
Several studies, as shown here, show that the the bacteria does change people's personality.
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GAME REVIEWS
Resident Evil (Gamecube)- I know what you're saying: DTOTHEG WAT ABOUT RE4? I haven't played it yet.
I KNOW, I'm deprived. But this game is very pretty. There is an establishing shot (I don't remeber where) where you look at
your character and looks so damn fine it puts the XBox360 to shame (doesn't take much LOLOLOL!) The gameplay is a TAD wonky,
and the puzzles may give you an aneurism, but they are so f--kdamn satisfing it's like sex when you finally solve them on
your own.
Viewtiful Joe 2 (Gamecube)- This game kicks ass in every possible sense of the term. If you think
this is some kind of gay porn game (I wish I had a dollar it was called "Beautiful Joe" by my friends), then please by an
XBox360 with Halo 2 and Madden, and kindly shut your poser mouth. The VFX still look pretty, and the gameplay (beating the
shit out of robots) NEVER gets old. The only thing I can find wrong with this game is the inclusion of playing Joe's girlfriend,
Silvia, who you had to save in the last game. She's ridiculously weak, and is only used for puzzles. As in my RE overview,
I do like puzzles, but most of the time, she's useless, and whips Joe half the time. But all that whipping is only a set up
for the smartest thing said by anyone ever: "Men solve problems through action" and then Joe's favorite superhero, Captain
Blue, lists off a bunch of reasons why there will never be a woman president.
Indigo Prophecy (PC)- This is another game that rocks out loud, but nobody buys it. The music
is wonderful, the fight scenes, unlike those in its muse The Matrix, are well done, varied and have a point. I already
have a review in the archives, but I HAVE to bring it up again. As one who writes, the story is magnificent, until it derails
about 60% in. The environment is generally tense, because even when you think you're in the clear, BAM!, you need
to fight off your furnitiure or escape from a mental institution.
Alien Hominid (Playstation 2)- COME ON! Am I the ONLY one who plays these games? There's nothing
complex I have to say about, you go around playing an alien blowing up FBI agents in the most awesome ways possible. One warning:
It's REALLY HARD. Like Ninja Gaiden for the Xbox hard. There are a few cheap shots, but even if you're the guy that beat
Super Mario Bros. 3 in 11 minutes, you're still screwed. Lots of fun, and the PDA game is addictive. To sum it up: Tom Fulp=Drug
Dealer, Alien Homind=Crack.
Half Life (PC)- Don't bother telling me 1/2 these games are over 5 years old, I played them for the
first time in 2005. This is the only game in history that has lived up to its hype. WARNING: If you want to go insane on aliens
right away, you're out of luck. The game is quite story driven and it'll be AT LEAST 10 minutes before you can shoot something.
At least you can always stare at the wall if you don't want to see something. This makes the game all the more immersive,
since like Indigo Prophecy, there's always the feeling that something can go wrong at anytime. The story, if you can
call it that, is very engrossing and you always have the thought in the back of your head I need to escape. I gotta get
out of here! SANCTUARY! FOR THE HORDE! The biggest problem with it, is that instead of giving you 1,000s of bullets,
leaving only your twitch reflesxes to save you, the game relies on ammo conservation. Luckily, the worst thing you have to
face are head crabs, which are little bitches anyway.
Anarchy Online (PC)- Another old game, but it's FREE. I have a review at Medaverse for it. The
sense of community is quite as there as World Of Warcraft, but you can ALWAYS find a party in Rubi-Ka! The leveling up can
get tedious, but once again, whatever community it has comes through in the clutch with team missions, and
selling shit to get better stuff.
Mario Kart DS (DS)- This game, beyond a shadow of a doubt, gets a GREEN (4/4). The sense of speed
in such a small console is astounding, and the second screen is generally ignored, but does have a good purpose, since
you need to master looking at the bottom screen's map to see EVERYTHING in the race and adjust your strategy accordingly. I
went back on my old N64 and played some Mario Kart, and the controls (especially drifting) are A LOT tighter in
the DS version. The online play and mission modes extend the replayability INFINTELY. Missions are addictive, as eventually
you'll look at anything (even the Grand Prixes) with lower than 3 Stars with contempt, claiming that those paltry 2 stars
are indeed mocking you. Nintendo finally bites the bullet and gets some online play, and while the system is broken, (i.e.
No lobby system) it does its best to reduce wimpery by penalizing you 3 losses if you pull out of a race early. The N64 retro
tracks are just as I remember them, and let's not forget: teh new items r0x0r.
Meteos (DS)- Let me sum it up with a quick analogy- Game Boy : Tetris :: Nintendo DS : Meteos. The
blocks you align and launch are varied and plentiful. The music is well in sync with the environment, and you can even
spread the goodness by sending a demo version of Meteos to others. Although the game is tougher than nails covered in rust,
covered in bees, the main game is managable, and if you don't rock at this game, any AI opponent above 2 stars will rape you
without lubrication. My favorite part is the HUGE combos you can rack up, some as high as launching 100 blocks with two ignitions.
Definitely the first of many killer apps (Applications which both fully display the capabilities of the system and help sell
it, Maddox) for the DS.
Guitar Hero (PS2)- This game has only one purpose: TO MAKE YOU FEEL AWWWWWWWWWWWESOME! I played it
at DLC (I might get it for Christmas) at for those 3 minutes I was playing "I Wanna Be Sedated" I WAS A ROCK GOD!!! This game
reminds me a lot of Amplitude (another one worthy of reccomendation), with note straming down a track. The song selection
is another thing that greatly ups the awesomeness is the song list. Although I was dissappointed at the abscence of Blink
182, Weezer and The Who, the rest are good, with such classics as "Iron Man" (Ozzy, pre-reality TV star/sellout), "Fat Lip"
(another solid song from the now defunct (I think) Sum 41), and "Sharp Dressed Man" (which I saw some Asian guy rocking out
and kicking ass to at DLC) to activate the "Power ups" you need to tilt it upward and set it on fire, then shit on the
audience. Or just tilit it up, I can't remember which.
WarRock (PC)- The poor man's Battlefield 2. But this WAR still ROCKs. Get it? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!one1!
There is even a levleing up system, which hasn't been implemented yet in the Yankee version. Nevertheless, still tons of fun.
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